My Ugly Box

[prez]

OK Everyone,
Thought I would share a bit. "My Ugly Box" to me is a response to lifelong conditions and responses, habits, reactions, and an all around inability to dispose of "stuff".
First, I am the oldest of my generation with the inherent responsibilities that go along with "being the oldest". Also, I have been in charge of, and responsible for people and things, as an adult, since I was 19. (A Lot of people, and very "big" things).
I grew up living and learning that:

Big boys (girls) don't cry.
Real men (women) don't show their feelings and emotions.
Strong people survive.
You can't hurt me.
We keep our "business" (family and personal) to ourselves.
There are a ton of other "rules" , but you get the picture.

The end sum of all these rules, was that I had no way to release, or let go of old thoughts, feelings, pain, misgivings, you name it. I held everything inside, with no avenue to let things go. I came off as unfeeling and insensitive to the people most important in my life. My defenses kept me from opening up, but also, prevented me from letting go. You know the type. They hang on to everything, never forgiving and definitely NEVER forgetting. Friends, you can't Love and Trust if you can't let things out or get rid of the crap!

So, we come to "My Ugly Box" My marriage was a shambles, my relationships, whether family, friends or co-workers was a mess, due to my inability to communicate or let go of "Ugly" stuff. That is where the idea of the box came from. A depository for all the thoughts, feeling, emotions and pure crap, that prevented me from being a whole person, and more important a whole partner. My choice was to specifically identify them, collect them, and frankly, burn them on New Years Eve, and in the end let go of them. A time of new beginnings, resolutions, and changes in one's life, seemed to be the most opportune time to let go of all the thoughts, feelings, emotions, disappointments, and just raw UGLY Stuff that held me back from enjoying truly rewarding and fulfilling relationships.

A lot of the things in my box are what others have done or said to, for, or about me, but make no mistake, a lot of the stuff in there is what I have said or done. I make it a rule to judge myself everyday, but what do you do with those judgements that may not be positive? Oh, don't forget, admitting mistakes can be a sign of weakness! Me? That goes in the box. I will make peace with myself, and hopefully with the important people in my life when I am able to let those things go. Ergo, "My Ugly Box"

At any rate, my box is working for me. I sincerely hope your will work for you. You are in charge of what goes in, and what gets released. No other person needs to know what, or who, or anything else goes in, unless you share, and just maybe, if you can let go of your own baggage, you may be able to someday share with those important in your life, and no longer need "My Ugly Box".

Best wishes, and best of luck. It is working for me everyday, and hopefully it will serve the same purpose for you.

Prez.